12 Tips for How to Host and Make Your Guests Feel Completely at Ease

I recently got a question from a commenter who asked me how I entertain at home to make guests feel at ease. This question came at a great time since fall can be a natural hosting season from watch parties (there’s football…or The Bach) to Thanksgiving. The truth is — Chris and I really *enjoy* hosting. We have people over all the time, and our girls love it, too (They’re always asking who is coming over for dinner). There are a couple of things we’ve learned over the years to make it easier and more fun. Pick and choose which of these tips work for you, and start texting out some invites!

1. Leave Room for Guests to Bring Something

People are going to ask you what you can bring, and I’m giving you permission to give them an assignment! Chris usually says just bring yourself, and if that’s how you roll — feel free. But a lot of times, people feel good when they feel useful. So you can offer that they bring a dessert or an appetizer. Another good one: “Bring whatever you’d like to drink!” If you’re having a cookout: “Bring ice!”

2. Plan a Menu (or Tasting Activity)

Always have a go-to meal that you make as a crowd-pleaser. Enchiladas? A big thing of sauce? A charcuterie board for sharing? You can also order in! It’s so fun to order a bunch of Indian food or try something new together. There’s no rule book that says you have to cook to have people over. (Party Hack: Put items from Whole Foods prepared foods section on pretty plates.)

It’s also okay to outsource the food or make it collaborative. Do a potluck of movie-themed snacks for The Oscars. Or ask everyone to bring their favorite Pumpkin treat from Trader Joe’s.

3. Set the Table to Match the Vibe

If we are having a really informal BBQ, I’ll use paper plates especially if there are 20+ people there (big families!). But if I’m setting the table, I’ll use real plates. I set the table ahead of time. If it’s a mixed group of people, I put place cards down— it really helps them to know where they’re sitting, and I’ll sit them next to someone they’re really comfortable with. If it’s all family, I don’t do place cards because they usually are all comfortable with each other.

Think about when you go into a social situation things that make you nervous: who am I going to talk to, who am I going to sit by? We’re going to solve those questions for them ahead of time.

(If your table needs a refresh I’ve rounded up some of my favorite table & dining pieces for fall here.)

*“Modern Cottage” Dining Room | Idaho Falls, ID | June 2020*

4. Dress How You Like

If we didn’t really set a clear clothing guideline, Chris and I usually dress kind of on opposite ends of the spectrum. He might go more casual, and I might dress up a little bit. But then after dinner, if everyone is casual, I’ll go change and get more casual. I just want to have everyone come in and feel at ease, so I like to cover the gamut!

5. Have a Playlist Ready

Music really sets the mood. so we always have music going. I like to do something that’s familiar but can fade into the background: from big band jazz to vintage Italian—especially if you’re on theme with the meal.

6. Never Apologize for the State of Your House

I never apologize for the state of my house, ever. Now people might say, yeah, because you have a house cleaner, and your house has to be photo-ready most of the time. But what you don’t see is that I usually have a stack of boxes at my front door!

I make sure my powder bathroom is clean. Sometimes I’ll shut my bedroom door. I feel so at ease when I go into someone’s house, and they’re just calm. Guests really match the energy of the host. If you’re in a bad mood because no one helped you, and you’re worried that some kids are going to mess up your whole house, they’re going to feel that. (Party Hack: You only really NEED to clean the room that the party is going to be in and the bathroom. All other rooms can be off limits! I do a 15 minute speed clean before guests arrive and that’s it!)

7. Read the Room If You Have Pets

Whether you have dogs, cats, or another roaming animal, make sure you’re tuned in to how a guest feels about them. Cricket, our dog, tries to jump on everyone, and I can usually tell pretty quickly if someone is a dog person or not. I’ll usually put her in her room or outside. And especially anytime we’re eating, I put Cricket in her room. Guests (especially ones you haven’t had over often) will often say something is fine when it’s not fine for them, so err on the side of caution.

8. You Don’t Need to Have Food Ready

Chris is usually still cooking when people come in, and it used to stress me out a lot. But now I know that it is part of Chris’s joy in life, and people love to watch him cook. It’s almost like a chef’s table experience. Friends will come in and sit at our long counter and Chris will chat with them while preparing food. I try to set a drink or charcuterie out on the kitchen island. It can just be crackers and cheese. Some olives, just little snacky things, so it’s like dinner and a show!

9. Always Have an Easy Little Dessert to Pull Out

Always have an easy little dessert to pull out, store-bought or homemade (try to have an option that’s food-restriction friendly, like sorbet, strawberries in dark chocolate, etc.). Try Chris’s Mixed Berry Dump Cake. It’s gluten-free, dairy-free, and only takes less than 5 minutes of active work (thanks to a shortcut).

10. Redirect People from Cleaning Up

I have a lot of guests who always want to get up and do the dishes. And I tell them, “Let’s just put them all in the sink and not worry about it.” Sure, they want to help but then it feels like I have to help. And I’d rather we all just hang out during this dedicated time, and I’ll deal with it later.

11. Give Parents a Way to Go “Off-Duty”

Depending on how old the kids are of our guests, we usually will send the kids up to the playroom to play and have a portion of the night that is just adults and if that means you’re hiring a babysitter, then do that. I think all parents are a little more at ease when they know their kids are taken care of and they don’t have to try to be a guest AND parent at the same time.

12. Have Options Depending on How the Night Goes

I think one of the most important aspects of hosting is to treat each night as more of a choose-your-own adventure than a rigid schedule. If you invite someone over for a dinner, and the convo is really going, then have some ideas ready to stretch out the evening. Alternatively, if it feels like you’re struggling to make conversation, have a plan for that too. I’ll share my ideas below!

Conversation flowing? Let’s take this dinner party into the living room, so we can keep the momentum going but feel more comfortable, and I’ll pull out a tasty dessert for us to share.

Conversation slowing down? Offer to play a game, which can help the conversation not feel so strained. I’ll always have little bowls of candy available that doesn’t make your hands sticky. It’s good to have one board game, one couch game (we love Wavelength), and one card game handy.

What if no one will leave? Is everyone having *too* much fun, and it’s past your (and your kids’) bedtime? Finish up the game or wait for a break in conversation and stand up. The magic words are, “Can I pack up some leftovers for you to take with you?”