Life is easier when you can make a positive connection with other people. As I discovered recently, creating a connection with your service provider can also save you money or provide you better service.

One of the ways I’m decumulating wealth is by spending money on massages. I love getting massages, especially after a lot of physical training, but they are expensive. So, I stopped for years until I signed up again for a massage app called Zeel. The app enables you to schedule a masseuse to come to your home and choose the type of massage you want.

The cost for an hour’s massage is $129 plus an automatic 18% tip, totaling $152.22. I decided to book the masseuse for two hours, one hour for me and one hour for my wife. It would be our first massages in over six months.

Creating a Connection Creates More Value

Because I hadn’t had a massage in a while, my session was somewhat painful. The masseuse kept kneading into my pressure points to loosen up the muscles in my right trapezius, forearm, back, and calves. When you play a lot of tennis and pickleball, like I do, these muscles get really tight.

At the 55-minute mark, I was asked to flip over from my stomach to my back. Phew! Only 5 minutes left to go! I thought to myself. Despite telling her to reduce the pressure, I still felt like I was trying to withstand some low-grade torture.

But once I rolled over to my back, she started going to town on the upper part of my pecs, which tickled like heck! But by laughing, it loosened me up, and I began to speak to the masseuse in Mandarin, her native tongue, about her life.

Ask Someone About Themselves

If you want to make a connection with someone, ask them about the things most important to them. Watch as the words gush out and the warmth between you grows. I don’t think we’re asked nearly enough by others about how we are doing or how we are feeling.

As a result, many of us are dying to share our stories. In a way, being able to share my stories on Financial Samurai has been one of the best therapies since I began in 2009.

A Hard But Thankful Life

I asked the masseuse about her work, her family, and how she came to America. She opened up about how she’s very busy nowadays, giving 30-40 hours worth of massages each week. After seven years on the app, she now has a large pool of regular clients, which keeps her fully employed.

Her son is 19 years old, and I asked her what he was up to. She said he’s looking for a job while also attending the City College of San Francisco, a community college.

I asked her at what age he stopped wanting to hang out with her, and she said at age 12. Before age 12, he would latch onto her at all hours of the day. But after age 12, even if she asked him about his day, he would just give a curt response and go to his room to play video games. I told her hopefully he’ll come around to appreciating all her hard work when he’s in his mid-20s, trying to make it on his own.

After all, the masseuse raised her son alone since he was two because her husband didn’t like the life they had in San Francisco when they legally immigrated to America. After two years, he packed up and went back to China, where he continues to reside.

She told me to appreciate the time I have with my two children. Although it’s not easy raising them when they are young, they will grow up before we know it.

In the end, the masseuse ended up massaging me for 85 minutes, 25 minutes longer than what we had pre-paid. My wife kept checking in to make sure she wasn’t late.

Instead of wishing for my massage to be over, I ended up feeling great that I made a connection with the masseuse, whom I hadn’t seen in four years. Surely, I will hire her again.

Meanwhile, I’m sure the masseuse was happy that someone asked her how she was, beyond a superficial way. By providing extra value to her clients, she continues to accumulate more business opportunities for the future.

Life Is Easier When We Make Connections with Others

If you want to build more wealth and create a better life, one of your goals should be to boost your emotional intelligence. This largely means thinking of other people and listening to their perspectives while putting aside your own issues.

With so many different personalities from diverse backgrounds, it’s imperative that we take a moment to listen. We may come from different political parties, races, sexes, and socioeconomic backgrounds. But at our core, we all have a desire to be heard and seen.

Prevent Yourself From Getting Ripped Off Too

Not only will you save more money or get better service if you develop a good relationship with someone, but you’ll also minimize your chances of getting ripped off.

Using contractors to remodel property and auto mechanics to fix your car come to mind the most. These two fields are notorious for some vendors taking advantage of their customers. So if you’ve found yourself a trustworthy contractor or auto mechanic, treat them well!

For example, one contractor I used to remodel two properties in Golden Gate Heights told me the following: “If I take on jobs in a more expensive neighborhood, like Pacific Heights, I charge double even if my materials and labor cost the same. Those homeowners have a lot of money. They have no idea what things cost.”

When you’ve built a friendship or at least a relationship based on respect, vendors will think twice about taking advantage of you. If they have that unscrupulous gene, they’ll simply skip you and take advantage of their next customer.

Easy Tips to Build a Better Relationship

• Provide a generous tip for work well done.
• Say “thank you” and highlight specific things they did that you appreciate
• Offer food, beer, or water to vendors working around your house.
• Ask them about their family and hobbies.
• Ask them about their business and how they got started.
• Tell them that you enjoy leaving positive reviews online.
• Offer to help someone first before asking for anything.
• Give them a small gift to show your thoughtfulness.
• Introduce yourself before asking for something.
• Talk about something local they might get excited about, e.g. local sports team.

You’d think everyone would do this, but you’d be surprised. Every day, I get emails from people asking for advice, but the vast majority don’t even bother to introduce themselves, let alone mention a particular article or book of mine they’ve read and appreciated.

If you take the time to make a connection, your life will invariably improve. You won’t just save money on products and services—you’ll get more business opportunities, receive more raises and promotions, and make more friends. In turn, if you have children, they will benefit as well. And then, it is up to you to teach your children good manners.

The next time you see someone, go beyond just asking about their day. Delve deeper by asking about the things they care about most. If you do, you might just receive a pleasant surprise in return.

Reader Questions And Suggestions

Why do you think some people don’t make the effort to make a connection? If people fundamentally take care of those they like the most, wouldn’t it make sense to treat people well? Can you provide an example where you made a connection and benefitted as a result?

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