I’ve been writing on the internet professionally for many, many years now. Over that period of time, I’ve come to realize it’s smartest to provide readers (all of whom are likely to bounce quickly–yes, even you) with the necessary context for understanding eeeverything they’re about to read as quickly as possible in the introduction of the piece if you want a chance of them sticking around. So, if you’re still reading, here’s the context required for fully internalizing this one:

I am a Jew from New Jersey who recently moderated a cream cheese taste test. All of the cream cheese taste-testers live in or around New York City. There were a lot of correct opinions voiced in the room that day. Mine, which you’ll read woven throughout the below entries, is the most correct one.

Anyway! It took so long to deliberate over what makes a good cream cheese that we actually had to reschedule this taste test thrice. After said weeks of arguing that, no, it did not make sense to conduct three separate taste tests to determine separately which brick, spread, and whipped cream cheeses are the best, I got all appropriate parties in a room one day. They all had access to one or two plain bagels, as well as a curated selection of three categories of cream cheese. All this to say: The SE team has pulled together eight brands of cream cheese you’re likely to find in your local supermarket, and methodically, empirically, scientifically! tasted its way through them all in a quest to identify the very best. And we viscerally loved every minute of it!

Before you read on, it’s important to note: We separated these cheeses into three subcategories because they are very much are different products! Blocks (or bricks!) of cream cheese have little moisture or air mixed in. Spreads have some air whipped in! Whipped cream cheeses are the lightest and airiest offering, with the most air (and stabilizers) whipped in of all. This difference becomes apparent (1) the second you lay eyes on them side-by-side, and (2) when you subsequently attempt to transfer each to its second location. It physically takes more effort to grab a hunk of freshly room-temp cream cheese from a block than it does to remove the same amount from a spread. It doesn’t take any energy to move a serving of whipped cream cheese spread anywhere.

More helpfully, perhaps, is that you can see these differences illustrated across the weight and caloric content variations within the same brand. Philadelphia’s Whipped Original, for example, says its serving size of 2 tablespoons comes in around 22 grams (as well as with 50 calories, 1 gram of protein, and 4.5 grams of fat per serving). Its spread counterpart? Thirty-one grams = 2 tablespoons of product, 80 calories, 2 grams of protein, and 7 grams of fat per serving. Finally, the Philadelphia brick yields 28 grams per ounce and 100 calories, 2 grams of protein, and 10 grams of fat per serving. This light (whipped), medium (spread), and most robust (block) breakdown rings true for each brand with multiple offerings across this taste test.

OK. Time to dance.

The Contenders

Blocks

• Organic Valley
• Philadelphia
• Tillamook

Spreads

• 365 Cream Cheese Spread
• Nancy’s Probiotic Cream Cheese Spread
• Organic Valley Cream Cheese Spread
• Philadelphia Original Cream Cheese Spread

Whips

• 365 Whipped Cream Cheese
• Philadelphia Whipped Original
• Temp Tee

The Criteria

A good cream cheese, no matter what form it comes in, is tangy. Not so tangy that you’ll wonder how sour cream ended up on your bagel (god forbid), but tangy enough that you’ll know you made a better choice than putting butter on your bagel (god forbid). A restrained tang. There should also be enough salt and creaminess to lend a certain heft to each bite. You want to immediately know: “What I’m eating right now? This could be the foundation of a great cheesecake one day.” Again, regardless of form, your cream cheese should spread easily. Don’t look at me like that. No, not all cream cheeses (not even all cream cheese spreads!) spread seamlessly. There are a lot of stabilizers out here in these parts!! 

The Rankings

BRICKS

Philadelphia Cream Cheese, 4.3/5

Well, well, well. Fancy meeting you here, etc., etc. This brick had a “good lactic tang in a mild milky base,” Daniel wrote. “It was thick, creamy, smooth, and spreadable,” he added. It was “creamy with just a hint of sweetness,” Kelli notes. Our stop-in taste-tester du jour/director of product Allison Mango echoed Daniel and Kelli’s thoughts: “It’s got a little tang at the end. I really liked the taste; it’s nice and creamy with a little saltiness.” At the conclusion of the test, everyone wanted to know if they’d picked the Philadelphia brick, and they all had. It’s just kinda nice when I don’t have to pretend like I’m shocked about a taste test winner, ya know?

Organic Valley Cream Cheese, 3.3/5

An interesting silver medal winner! Opinions were split here. The flavor was lovely. “Very creamy with the right amount of sour and salt—reminds me of cottage cheese flavor,” our photographer Jordan wrote, but the texture raised flags from the group. It was distinctly stabilized with gums and spread more like all the “spread” offerings than any of the other blocks. See: quickly and slippery. Either way, it Tasted Like Cream Cheese.

Tillamook Cream Cheese, 3.13/5

A deliciously sweet offering, Tillamook cream cheese was enjoyed by all…with the caveat that they’d prefer it on a lox-laden bagel to compensate for a lack of salt. Daniel called what it did have a mere “background salt,” and that lack of saltiness is what ultimately brought this one down to third place.. So creamy! So sweet! Spread very nicely! Just…so little salt!

SPREADS

Philadelphia Original Cream Cheese Spread, 4/5

Hello again, you! You tangy, spreadable, classically cream cheesy you! It just felt correct on a bagel, is all!

365 Cream Cheese Spread, 3.33/5

Another dark horse contender! 365 offerings tend to…tank…in our taste tests, so I did quadruple-check this math. But no, the testers enjoyed this as a straightforward option. It checked the appropriate saltiness and tanginess boxes as well as the creaminess one, but every time I see a singular word called out in every tester’s comments, I am legally required to point it out. In this case? “Smooth.” Jordan called it “super smooth,” Allison called it “buttery smooth,” Kelli called it “smooooth,” and Daniel, finally, and true-to-form, called it “almost too smooth.” Idk, guys. If you prefer a grittier (?) cream cheese, don’t buy this one? I guess?

Nancy’s Probiotic Cream Cheese Spread, 3.25/5

In Nancy’s defense, she is extremely upfront about the inclusion of culture in her cream cheese. In my coworkers’ defense, they had no idea what they were eating. These comments were riddled with mentions of what an overly sour product it was. Still, the softness and smoothness of the product came through in every bite. They liked it! They were just confused for a sec!

Organic Valley Cream Cheese Spread, 2.66/5

Nearly as sour as Nancy’s and with far fewer cultures, I fear.

WHIPS

Temp Tee, 3.88/5

A sign the people I work with like a thing? They use as few words as humanly possible to describe it. Here are the entries for Temp Tee:

“Good tang.” -Daniel
“Air-ier, fluffier! Like whipped cream!” -Allison
“Amazing flavor!” -Jordan
“Floofy.” -Kelli

All of these opinions are correct.

365 Whipped Cream Cheese, 3.88/5

The most visually frosting-like of the whole bunch. In fact, it looked so much like frosting it gave a few people pause. But it ultimately tasted light and airy without tipping into over-aeration, and it was not nearly as sweet as some feared it might be.

Philadelphia Whipped Original, 2.86/5

I’m not sure how to end the bit here. Is it, like, “What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?” Or more of an emphatic: “You?? Here?? Now??” On the positive side, it was very smooth and aesthetically very pleasing. Idk. It was just wetter and still, somehow, also foamier than the other two whipped cream cheeses.

Our Testing Methodology

All taste tests are conducted completely anonymously and without discussion. Tasters taste samples in random order. For example, taster A may taste sample 1 first, while taster B will taste sample 6 first. This is to prevent palate fatigue from unfairly giving any one sample an advantage. Tasters are asked to fill out tasting sheets ranking the samples for various criteria that vary from sample to sample. All data is tabulated and results are calculated with no editorial input in order to give us the most impartial representation of actual results possible.